(TW: talk of ideation and self harm) Funk got worse in recent days. Easter weekend not helping at all. I’m not totally sure how ready I am to talk about this, if at all, but I’m going through what people call faith “deconstruction.” (Think Demo Day on Fixer Upper ….) In addition to all ofContinue reading “I Don’t Like Easter”
Category Archives: recovery
The Tyranny of Spring
I always found it curious, in the past, that suicide rates are higher in the spring. Now I get it. I am not ready to re-enter the world. I am not ready to go back to the schedule I had prior to the pandemic. By ‘not ready,’ I mean that just the thought of re-engagingContinue reading “The Tyranny of Spring”
Dying to Live
I think maybe one of the worst feelings in the world is not being able to articulate how I feel, what I need, or what is happening in my brain. The part in The Matrix when Neo’s mouth disappears always makes me feel like I absolutely cannot breathe, I guess because I am all tooContinue reading “Dying to Live”
Worn
I was on the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline chat late last night. It’s not the first time, probably won’t be the last. I used to think that such lines were used by people who are literally at *that* crucial moment. What I’ve come to understand is that there are moments before That moment that are,Continue reading “Worn”
Day 5?
So, clearly “every day for 30 days” was a stretch. Noted. So was writing solely for myself. Today I feel ……. scattered. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Disconnected. I also feel on the verge of tears frequently today. I am trying so hard to be gracious and kind to myself. To be patient. I have a lot toContinue reading “Day 5?”
Day 3: Cry Me a River
I forgot, until late last night, that I was “supposed to” write here. By the time I remembered, I had been crying for hours and felt too raw and too tired. Maybe Raw is a really good time to write, especially given the nature of this experiment in writing to heal. Alas, I did not,Continue reading “Day 3: Cry Me a River”
An Experiment
(Trigger/content warning: suicide) I set this up in an attempt to be able to write more freely than I’ve ever written. It’s not working, because I’m still (over a year later) either avoiding writing completely, or, relegating anything I write to the Draft (or trash) folder. I’m struggling, however, and I’ve decided to conduct anContinue reading “An Experiment”
Anonymously Open 