This is exactly what I do – be it with blogging or social media; I start, I get triggered by “exposure,” I retreat. Sometimes a short while, sometimes to the point of deleting the account. And that’s okay, but I have no replacement outlet in the meantime. Something’s got to give. CW/TW: eating disorder :Continue reading “Maybe I’m Back”
Tag Archives: Trauma
The Tyranny of Spring
I always found it curious, in the past, that suicide rates are higher in the spring. Now I get it. I am not ready to re-enter the world. I am not ready to go back to the schedule I had prior to the pandemic. By ‘not ready,’ I mean that just the thought of re-engagingContinue reading “The Tyranny of Spring”
Dying to Live
I think maybe one of the worst feelings in the world is not being able to articulate how I feel, what I need, or what is happening in my brain. The part in The Matrix when Neo’s mouth disappears always makes me feel like I absolutely cannot breathe, I guess because I am all tooContinue reading “Dying to Live”
Worn
I was on the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline chat late last night. It’s not the first time, probably won’t be the last. I used to think that such lines were used by people who are literally at *that* crucial moment. What I’ve come to understand is that there are moments before That moment that are,Continue reading “Worn”
Day 5?
So, clearly “every day for 30 days” was a stretch. Noted. So was writing solely for myself. Today I feel ……. scattered. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Disconnected. I also feel on the verge of tears frequently today. I am trying so hard to be gracious and kind to myself. To be patient. I have a lot toContinue reading “Day 5?”
Day 3: Cry Me a River
I forgot, until late last night, that I was “supposed to” write here. By the time I remembered, I had been crying for hours and felt too raw and too tired. Maybe Raw is a really good time to write, especially given the nature of this experiment in writing to heal. Alas, I did not,Continue reading “Day 3: Cry Me a River”
An Experiment
(Trigger/content warning: suicide) I set this up in an attempt to be able to write more freely than I’ve ever written. It’s not working, because I’m still (over a year later) either avoiding writing completely, or, relegating anything I write to the Draft (or trash) folder. I’m struggling, however, and I’ve decided to conduct anContinue reading “An Experiment”
Anonymously Open 